Regulus Counseling 
Generations

FIRST- AND SECOND-GENERATION AMERICANS

“Healing means allowing yourself to feel.”—Caroline Michèle Middelsdorf, International Psychologist, Trauma Expert, Empowered Trauma Survivor.

We celebrate the differences associated with individuality, because it gives us the opportunity to learn and grow. A huge part of life’s journey is continual evolution and growth through wonder—to grow, we learn and experience new things; we see different perspectives, perhaps from cultures which may seem vastly different from our own.

The emergence of COVID-19 in the United States brought with it the re-emergence of xenophobia. We were saddened to see the treatment of people of Asian descent: citizens were attacked on the street, Chinese restaurants were vandalized, while employees of others were verbally abused and harassed—all born out of fear and misdirected anger and blame. It is easy for people to think in terms of “us” and “them,” because of fear. That dichotomy does not truly exist. We fundamentally share similar experiences in life, and it is within those shared experiences, there is only an “us”— together.

We continue to believe in the ideals in which our country was founded: welcoming people seeking a better life for themselves and their children; refugees fleeing their war-torn home replete with corruption, seeking sanctuary. One defining attribute of the United States is a country of a melting pot: comprised of different people of different cultures and ethnicities, coming together to create something distinct. 

We are experienced in working with First-Generation and Second-Generation Americans in the unique, and at times, difficult circumstances they experience: assimilating to American (or Western) culture, while also remaining true to their traditions; re-establishing roots in a new environment with vastly different customs and traditions, while finding suitable employment; or balancing particular pressures from a family with traditional values and expectations, with remaining true to their aspirations and selves. 

There is an inherent excitement in discoveries: in experiences, in food, in people— even in ourselves. We value the differences among people—because we make new discoveries. We may be different, yet we are all bonded in similar experiences in life: love for our families; sharing and enjoying experiences with friends; marriages, family, and children—perhaps, companion animals; loss of loved ones. 

We hope to be a part of your expedition in exploring a new route in your life, as we learn while we navigate that journey: together, and from one another. 

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA

Generational trauma (intergenerational, or historical trauma) occurs with the transmission of trauma experiences and their effects from one generation to the next, originating from events impacting a group, such as war, genocide, displacement, systematic oppression, even immigration. Those experiences and effects continue to influence the next generation’s mental and physical health, behavior, and family dynamics, where common manifestations include anxiety, depression, trauma-related disorders, difficulties in relationships, and self-regulation. Clinicians recognize generational trauma through its impact on the client’s personality, communication, and relationships, where current challenges are connected to past generations, with patterns deeply ingrained—shaping behavior, relationships, and worldview.

 A common community we work with include First- and Second-Generation Americans, experience generational trauma stemming from immigration, itself a traumatic experience: uprooting your life, enduring dangerous travel, resettling in an unfamiliar country with unfamiliar customs, having limited resources and credential recognition, losing family and a support system, and a language barrier. Parents must focus on survival and rebuilding, while suppressing emotional needs, as their children absorb that unspoken trauma and high expectations.

 Manifestation of Generational Trauma

• Persistent anxiety or hypervigilance without a clear origin
• Difficulty with emotional regulation or intimacy
• Patterns of addiction, abuse, or disconnection with families
• Deep rooted feelings of shame, guilt, or inadequacy
• Disconnection from cultural identity or heritage
• Internalized beliefs about worth, safety, and trust

Each family story is unique, yet we see a common thread, originating from different reasons: intense pressure for achievement and obligation, particularly among Asian immigrant and refugee families. Reasons include “justifying” the sacrifices of elders and security of resources through education and a stable career, where children feel the burden of obligation to not disappoint their parents, compounded with the Asian value of filial piety (respect and duty to the parents). This excessive pressure and guilt may lead to anxiety, perfectionism, and identity issues among the second-generation, sacrificing their own needs, in silence, to meet familial expectations. Living with severe pressure, these children are rarely validated, as the parents’ unresolved trauma may impair their ability to empathize with their children’s feelings, resulting in a cycle of unmet emotional needs across generations. 

A major barrier to seeking help is the lack of cultural competence. Western therapy approaches may not be appropriate with other cultures, especially when the clinician doesn’t understand that culture. If the first counseling session feels unhelpful, or if the client feels the clinician just doesn’t understand, he or she may be reluctant to try again. Our clinicians have worked with a variety of communities, having the cultural competence to understand and empathize with the issues these clients are experiencing and meeting their preferences.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA & EMOTIONAL NEGLECT

Generational trauma manifests in patterns of behaviors and views passed onto the next generation. A consequence of that pattern is childhood trauma, compounded with emotional neglect, a behavior of parenting passed from the previous generation. Common thoughts resulting from childhood trauma:

• The need to be perfect to be worthy of love
• Feeling not good enough or unworthy
• Value of yourself comes from what you do, not who you are
• A struggle to see your own strengths
• A disconnection from your true self (becoming a social chameleon to people please)
• Trusting others’ opinion more than your own
• The struggle to put your guard down and trust others
• Having vivid dreams or nightmares
• Never being put first your entire life

Many of these ideations are felt among the second-generation in connection with the pressures of achievement: you were only seen when you achieved. For some, the perfectionism is the aspiration for achievement; for others, the focus is on protection. Perhaps as a child, being perfect or achieving was a means to not be yelled at, or dismissed. This fear stems from strict parenting, or being shamed, ignored, or admonished for expressing your emotions, particularly any form of upset or anger. Most likely, this parenting style was passed from the previous generation; your parents were disciplined the same way, and they were made to feel the same way: unworthy, dismissed, unheard. Your parents’ emotional needs were not met, either: it is a cycle.

Those of us whose emotional needs were never met, and never felt heard, all we ever wanted as children was the acknowledgement that we felt invisible—that we didn’t matter, that we felt unwanted and alone. We kept people at a further distance, so it didn’t hurt as much when people did leave. We didn’t always get what we needed, and that was hard. We had big emotions and didn’t know how to cope with them. We just needed someone to hear us and make us feel as if we mattered— that we are valuable, that we are loved. 

You are not alone. You are a survivor of trauma which built your resilience. Healing, including from generational trauma, is not only about personal growth, it is also reclaiming agency, restoring connection, and interrupting the cycles of pain. Our clinicians can help you navigate that path towards reclamation, connection, and empowerment.